2012 Lincoln MKT “Town Car”

Its not really a Town Car as we traditionally know it. Its an MKT wagon/van/people-mover-thing that’s been toughened and lengthened for cab service. With the departure of the rear-wheel drive Town Car sedan, built on the Panther platform dating back to 1979, Lincoln hopes you’ll call for one of these when you need a ride to the airport or when your daughter celebrates her quinceanera.

It looks competent enough on paper thanks to all-wheel drive and a 300hp 3.7L V6, and it seems more like an upscale office than a limousine thanks to its tall roof, easy ingress/egress, and ten-foot stretchability. With a more natural step-in height, celebrity upskirts will be a thing of the past — no more glam clams for TMZ.

Still, I can’t get past how brutally ugly it is. The MKT looks more like a hearse than a glitzy people mover with its wagon shape, tall roof, and hateful looking full-height grille.

There will by, by the way, a hearse version of the MKT (additional photos at link), which looks more like a modernized pedophile van than a dignified conclusion to human life.

Car and Driver perfectly described the MKT hearse:

Lincoln previously told us that the MKT would be filling the Town Car’s livery roles. What we didn’t expect was that any such results would be so unsightly. While the MKT is a bit awkward looking to begin with, stretching it a couple of feet between the wheels, adding about six inches of rear overhang, and then capping the roof with what appears to be a swamp boat that flipped over and crashed makes a strong case for cremation.

We find it inconsistent that funeral directors spend so much time and effort beautifying their clients only to transport them in the back of this thing.

Personally, I’d rather be hauled off to my burial hole in a John Deere.

My prediction: Expect Hyundai to take over the livery market with the Equus in the near future.

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