The Japanese are a cheerful bunch, aren’t they? Through a series of misinterpretations and a strong Engrish accent, they came up with model names like “Mitsubishi Lettuce.”

Names are usually aspirational. The Dodge Dart wants to dart around. The Ford Mustang thinks its a stallion. The GMC Sierra thinks its a mountain range.

The Mitsubishi Lettuce aspires to be a vegetable.

Here’s a few more from all over the world:

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Chevy Citation, US

You should be cited for driving something so awful.

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AMC Gremlin, US

A gremlin is “an imaginary gnomelike creature to whom mechanical problems, especially in aircraft, are attributed.”

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Nissan Prairie Joy, Japan

I like this one. Its a perfectly competent utility wagon that would be right at home in the prairie. Not sure how much joy it brings.

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Subaru Gravel Express, Japan

Its the predecessor to the Legacy Outback. As silly as this name is, its impressively direct.

CORRECTION: Known as Subaru Outback Sport, not Legacy.

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Toyota Synus, Japan

A sporty looking coupe with a nasal infection.

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Suzuki Van Van

A sharp little motorcycle that’s been named “van” twice. Its like calling the Camaro a “Chevy Truck Truck”

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Suzuki Alto Afternoon Tea, Japan

A combination of music and afternoon tea. This isn’t bad at all.

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Renault Le Car, France

Its “the car” and if you ask most people who encountered one, it was “the worst car.” The Le Car makes a mild comeback as Sue Sylvester’s chariot of choice on Glee.

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Suzuki Every Joypop, Japan

Its a turbocharged miniature box van. Makes me want to put glitter on everything.

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Mitsubishi Mum 500 Shall We Join Us, Japan

I don’t know, Mom, shall we?

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Yamaha Pantryboy Supreme, Japan
[no photo, but its probably another microvan]
A pantry boy is a low-level house servant.

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Big Thumb Harmonizer

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Honda Life Dunk, Japan

Another weird little microvan with an inexplicably optimistic name. Probably too small for basketball players.

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Mazda/Autozam Scrum Stand Off Truck, Japan

A minitruck/microvan that engages in standoffs with scrum. Take that, scrum.

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Isuzu Mysterious Utility Wizard, Japan

A midsize SUV with magical powers. Maybe it casts spells too.

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Sbarro Assystem, Switzerland

I can’t think of anything snarky to say that could outdo the awfulness of this name. The vehicle itself is awful too.

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Daihatsu Charade Social Poze, Japan

A charade, an act, done on a social scale. Not much posing going on though.

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Daihatsu D-Bag, Japan

[best guess photo]
A name that might be more appropriate for the BMW 3-series.

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Mazda Proceed Marvie Wild Breeze, Japan

“Proceed” is an interesting one, suggesting forward movement. I don’t know who Marvie is, but he apparently breezes wildly.

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Mitsubishi Lettuce, Japan

A car waiting to be placed between slices of wheat bread. Any modern Mitsubishi, except for the Evo, is better off in a sandwich than on the road.

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Toyota Cist, Japan
[concept car, no photo]
Really, a fitting name for all modern day Toyotas.

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I guess this is why Europeans stick to innocuous combinations of letters and numbers.